He had one of those small greek statue penises
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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