i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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