I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
