I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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