This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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