we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
