This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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