Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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