What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
