haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize