i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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