Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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