Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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