i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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