So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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