Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
