I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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