Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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