If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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