if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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