Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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