Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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