Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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