ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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