it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
