he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
