Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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