Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We were destined to go to rehab together
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
