I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
that is very illegal...i love you.
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