Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ass is underappreciated
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
