Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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