therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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