Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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