my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
