I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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