She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
