$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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