Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
