Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
