I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
