everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
