I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
