im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
