I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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