you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
