We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
