she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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