Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize