She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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