I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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