They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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