Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
