at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
