it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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