I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
