I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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