somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry about my life...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
