I smell stomach acid.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
