There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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