There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
