She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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