Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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