why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
