I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
