I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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