We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize