so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
