she's into porn, im staying here tonight
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
