Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
