Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
