My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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