The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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