Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drake has all the answers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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