Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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