Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
