Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
